Kiwi Surf Magazine

Roger Ramble goes fashion

Gidday knob-jockeys!! How the fark are all you wahine and wankers?
With the west coast massive and onshore and the east coast having less swell than an itchy bite at dusk I decided a bit of offence against social convention was in order instead!
I had obtained a few sneaky tickets to the NZ Fashion Festival being held up here in Dorkland.

I quickly scored some jeans so tight my 'cheese sizzler' looked more like a dog roll, a new stripey tee to catch the rum stains and a shiny black leather jacket even Kayne West would envy! Fark YEAH!

With some dressed-in-black-with-arty-farty-pants-minx on my arm I parked the panel-van and hit the joint ready to see some apparel clad anorexic chicks in overpriced shoes prance about. And that I did!
There were badly dressed people everywhere, there always seem to be at these things?
Dudes with their shirts unbuttoned showing off their pigeon chested lack of physique, wearing stockings and leather boots, and their moon-tanned lady friends wearing a grimace, sipping on cheap champagne while showing off as much tit as you get in a trainer-bra. I love these gigs!
Two free beers down my gullet and the show started with much palava and as the models strutted their stuff, the booze flowed and the masses  began fawning and oohing and aahing over the shite looking threads. Wankers!
As if that wasn't weird enough when some builders daughter sent out her clothes on some fat chicks lots of people started clapping and cheering? WTF?
I mean, if I wanted to see fat girls in bad clothes I'd go to Manurewa, that shit doesn't belong here in the city pal!
This debacle carried on for what seemed like an hour and as my fifth beer hit my bladder I decide a wee trip to the loos was a way better option than watching these tools slinking along the runway of ridicule.
And who should I find loittering about the toilets but a great man of the people, an idol, a mentor of mine, Steve Crow!

I am in awe of this man and his ability to bring T & A to the world. As if just making, filming and producing quality porn wasn't enough he has also brought "Boobs on Bikes" to the masses. What a legend! This guy should run for Prime Minister, or at least local government, he's got my vote for sure.
As he talked to the large breasted floozy on his arm I made my way over, introduced myself and talked porn, fashion, beer, tits, surf and surfing in porn. It was awesome.
If it wasn't for those big guys in black suits with the ear-pieces he waved over we could have talked for ages but as they helped me to the door I waved goodbye and promised to send him my first film asap!

With a dire need to piss and the show coming to an end of fashion misery I called it a night, fired up the Roger Rocket mobile, laid more rubber than Durex and headed home for a cuppa and a hand-shandy..
Good times!
Catch ya soon from a beach near you..
R.R.